Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Heidi, Where have you been?

Hi Y'all! Sorry for the long absence from my blog. My only excuse is that I'm just so T-I-R-E-D. Common side effect of chronic fatigue. My energy was amazing right before Christmas, and then a series of events that included traveling, allergies, and  going on and off the raw food diet put my body into havoc. You could say I fell off the wagon, but I also lapsed into a series of colds and great periods of fatigue; the worst being in mid-February when a cold turned into Pneumonia. I have recovered from the worst of it, but am still left greatly fatigued. The worst part is just feeling utterly incapable of doing normal day to day stuff like keeping the laundry caught up or putting dinner on the table; the two things I thought at the very least I could do. Losing your capabilities like this is just so frustrating; I am grateful for a patient husband and for God's grace. I've even been learning in redemption group that I can still be grateful for what God has blessed me with through my pain. That doesn't mean that I still don't cry out to God, but I have stopped blaming him and see that he has me in his hands and is providing for me. Just last week I had a friend bless me greatly when she learned I was having several family members staying over, and she came and cleaned my house for me after she heard how tired I was. It's hard to accept help because it makes me admit how weak I am to others, but I have to realize that God is blessing me and I am in the process of learning to accept his blessings just as I learn to see the provision of this season. 
I am making small steps back to the raw food diet; I found a Champion Juicer on Craigslist and hope to get it tomorrow. This type of juicer will allow me to make a larger batch of juice in advance so I can drink it over one to two days instead of what I've been doing with the Jack LaLane juicer where I have to drink the juice within 20-30 minutes of making it.  I'm hoping to increase my juice consumption and increase my energy as a result. Part of the catch-22 of my chronic fatigue is that sometimes I'm too tired to make myself juice or a salad that would be beneficial for my healing.
What's so funny about how God provides is that I got the call this morning from the person selling me their juicer, and this afternoon as I'm volunteering at the Cancer clinic, a family friend from my childhood comes in with her son who is about to get a transplant. I ask her if she'd like to use my Jack LaLane juicer while they are here, and she says,  "Sure!" and she starts telling me all the amazing stories of how people are providing for them while they're in Seattle. Her son will be on a liquid/soft food diet after his transplant and the juicer will come in handy. Isn't God good?
I hope to give you more stories of God's goodness and grace as I continue this crazy journey.

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